“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” – Paulo Coelho
Sitting here in the home Ryan and I have been building for the past four years with our own two hands, and typing this seems surreal. We are a few weeks away from finally listing it, and that step will mark the ‘beginning of the end’ of this chapter. We’ve been working fervently the past two months preparing everything for completion… and in the process I find myself pondering the future of our family of five. Worried and anxious about what’s to come. Knowing this mere step will be a 180 turn for our dreams, a world of a difference.
The weight of it all almost seems unbearable. It has been unbearable.
During the process of crunching financials, switching our entire income status to “self-employed”, and applying for final bank loans that were later denied because of said “self-employment” … I became lost.
Lost under all this stuff. These items in our home. The stress that dealing with everything has brought me.
I’ve gained unwanted weight, lost self-confidence, and have become hot-headed in the most atrocious ways. I’ve evolved into the person I always vowed NOT to be… and it’s because of this invisible pressure that…
I’m saying, “Goodbye”.
Goodbye to unnecessary life stress. To excess. To feelings of overwhelming anxiety. I’m saying goodbye to this situation, the house, the people who’ve been lions in sheep’s clothing, and the thoughts that keep me crippled, sleepless at night…To the “What if’s…” and anything that doesn’t bring me joy.
Because my life, my family, depend on it.
This process has been anything BUT easy.. and amidst it all, we lost our beloved family pup (and almost our toddler) to a horrid accident last weekend. Just when you think the devil might be done teasing you… he’s not. Our period of grieving came just when we thought we had hit our emotional rock bottom. Don’t get me wrong… through it all Ryan & I’s marriage has been as strong as the mountains, and deep as the sea. We’ve supported, and loved each other hard though it all. Standing up when we needed a voice, and staying silent during moments that felt motionless.
Together, with our babies in hand, we will be victors of it all…
because we know, without a doubt, God has a better path and this is just the end of an era for our little family.
I’ve started this blog, as a way of communicating our challenges, and breakthroughs with the ones we love most. There’s a lot going on in this crazy brain of mine, and it feels good – like therapy- to share, inspire, encourage, and put into a physical form the journey we are about to embark on. I hope you choose to follow along, to cheer us on when we need a hand… or let us hold your heart when you need some encouragement in your life. Your vibe attracts your tribe, and we are SO thankful for ours.
Going forward into the future, our main and constant goal is “MINIMAL”… with a load of intentionality, and hints of business thrown in. Big adventures await for our little souls… so here’s to boxing up the cherished memories, and unfolding
a new chapter.